Well it’s that time of year again: the primaries and caucuses for the United States presidential elections are here. And with them, a whole new group of voters get to choose their political ideologies. Some may say the biggest factors in influencing voters is their age, their family, their race or ethnicity, but they are wrong.
In fact, the biggest factor in whether a person votes left or right is their preference of how to hang their toilet paper. Yes, that’s right. It’s not the level of education, their hometown, their gender, or any such demographic. It’s all about toilet paper.
Now some of the readers may not understand that it’s possible to roll the toilet paper in more than one way. In fact, a majority of people only place their toilet paper facing forward.
See, the thing is, that Democratic party members, or left-leaners, prefer to have their toilet tissue facing the front. This is due to the general belief shared between liberals that welfare and social work is a benefit to society, especially when it provides enough, if not more than enough, to the needy in society. And with toilet paper facing the front, the person on the porcelain throne is able to grab plenty of the paper and make sure they are satisfied to their heart’s content.
However, citizens that find themselves on the conservative spectrum will often have their toilet paper facing towards the back. Such behavior can be explained by the opinion that welfare programs should be limited, as they can be too expensive or can be abused by citizens. For example, when pulling toilet paper while on the toilet, the user must put more effort and strength into grabbing the tissues, and often can only get one or two sheets per pull. As well, there lies a bonus in the backward facing toilet paper. If the entire roll starts to roll, it will not be left in a crazy state of unwinding, which is a risk with front facing paper (and arguably with welfare).
There you have it: the true factor which determines someone’s political ideologies. So next time you find yourself at a new co-worker’s or a neighbor’s house, and come to wonder what their political beliefs are, look no farther than the side of their toilet. After all, it seems to be where most of the parties find their politicians.