Welcome to Adrie’s beats of the week, a weekly column dedicated to remarking upon the intricacies of modern music. To submit any songs for entry, please contact [email protected], with the subject line, ‘beats of the week.’ 

I am one of those people who think music is one of life’s greatest joys. So in criticizing it, I try to remember, to each, their own. However, sometimes, in an effort to protect humanity, I have to pull out the caution tape and reflective vests. Beats of the Week will almost always be about songs that I love, but this week, we are rocking Bad Album Edition. The following, in order from worst to least bad, is my review of Lil Huddy’s debut album, “Teenage Heartbreak”. 

1. “Twenty First Century Vampire”: 

Definitely my least favorite, not really for any particular reason, I just think it’s the worst. The lyrics, once again, don’t make sense, but it’s also not satirical. The high notes that he repeatedly attempts are a little bit painful, and the track sounds the same as the rest. I don’t want to even begin to talk about the music video.

       2. “America’s Sweetheart”: 

Extra bad. According to an interview with ‘The Daily Stardust,’ [Hudson says himself] this is the one about his relationship with co Tik Tok star Charlie D’amelio. I don’t think anyone was really waiting for the details, but I’m so glad they were given to us anyways. 

D’amelio is also in the music video, which is confusing. However in the interview, Hudson pulls up, blasting his own (at this point, newly released) album, and gets out of the car wearing a pair of oddly saggy, but also very tight leather pants, so I think there are more pressing questions here. 

        3. “Lost Without You”: 

The lyrics of this song, but also the whole album, is very confusing. Hudson himself seems to be confused about the story that he’s trying to tell, also about the path of his career.

       4. “How It Ends”:

 I like that the lyric is ‘how i’ll end,’ but the title is ‘How It Ends.’ At this point in listening all the songs have merged together into one, but this one feels like the song that you would get annoyed with while trying to shop at Marshalls. The auto tune is, once again, impeccable.

       5. “No More (Interlude)”: 

This one really confused me because it’s supposedly an interlude, but it’s not like a reprise of another song either. It’s mostly instrumental break. Truthfully, I’m not sure what the point of it all is, but maybe when he got to the end, Hudson only had the strength to write half a banger. From this song comes one of my favorite lyrics though, “‘Cause it’s dark out, yeah, it’s dark as night/But when it’s light out, it’s still dark inside my heart.” No words.

       6. “The Eulogy of You and Me”: 

According to NYLON, the first song that he wrote for the album, and what inspired the rest of it. All of these songs are very angsty and almost a little bit whiny, but this one is definitely one of the most. Would never listen to it again. I have never written a eulogy before, so I don’t have much experience in the area, but I am guessing that this is not usually the way it goes. 

       7. “Partycrasher”: 

They all sound like early 2000’s theme song knockoff, which might be the point. This one especially. I actually woke up with this one stuck in my head one morning, so I guess I could give it that. 

8. “Headlock”: 

Bad. 

       9. “IDC”:

The best part of this song is the vague instrumental bridge that makes you think it’s over.

       10. “Teenage Heartbreak”: 

I will not lie, my first thought upon hearing the intro to this song was “summer days a dreamin…,” the first words of the Barbie Life In the Dreamhouse theme song. I can’t unhear it. 

Overall, the lyrics provide, what I think to be, a very inaccurate description of ‘teenage heartbreak.’ I think, more so, they paint the messy picture of mid-middle school romance, which I think says more about Lil Huddy’s life choices lyrical work, than it says about middle schoolers. 

11. “Don’t Freak Out”: 

This one is my favorite, or the one that I hate the least. I think that is because the song also includes three other artists, who heavily outweigh the amount of Hudson himself. Apparently Hudson had rewritten the All-American Rejects, “Gives You Hell,” which would explain why Tyson Ritter joins the party on this track; NYLON theorizes it best, saying “surely in a pre-emptive attempt to avoid the courts.” 

Over the course of reviewing this album, I would often make my family members listen with me, and my fourteen year old little brother said of this one, a fair description I think, “you can feel the autotune.”

Overall, this album is bad, but mostly just really, really generic. Maybe if there was some attempt at originality… but alas. I’m not sure if Hudson will at any point start in on another musical venture, but I hope that if he does, it’s not a repeat of this one. What I will say though, is that these songs will get stuck in your head, and in that same vein I would avoid any middle school birthday parties for the next while.