There might not be an idea more fascinating to me, than Jelly Belly jelly beans. To me, they aren’t a definitively Easter candy, but I think they fit the season. I consider myself pretty much an expert, and so it was only natural that I review all the flavors that I could find. One of our wonderful staff members fought someone in Target for the last two bags, so here, in no particular order (in the order that I mostly tried them in fact), is my review of thirty of the Jelly Belly jelly bean flavors. 

Blueberry: Tastes like what I hoped lip gloss would taste like as a child, but didn’t. I don’t think it’s an accurate blueberry flavor whatsoever, and on top of that, it is aggressively meh. There is another flavor called “berry blue,” that, while I may not have more faith in, might be better. 

Bubble Gum: I like her. Tastes like what you hope that bathroom soap would smell like at Disneyland. I think that this could go really wrong, really quick, but those are the things that people seem to feel the strongest about. 

Buttered Popcorn: The most delicious flavor of all time. Unpopular, but I love them. I am right.  (Okay… they probably are a little bit gross and weird, but if you like them, I think you have to really like them) 

Cappuccino: Not as bad as I expected it to be, but I don’t like coffee. I expect that someone who likes it might. 

Chocolate Pudding: Okay, tasted like a chocolate Tootsie Pop. I never quite expect jelly beans to taste like chocolate, and whether it’s good or not really depends on the moment. 

Top Banana: Not great. The brown spots really throw me off. 

Juicy Pear: There is nothing juicy about these. My least favorite, and the only ones that I actively avoid eating. 

A&W Cream Soda: I would eat these. I think they are slightly more interesting than vanilla, and are pretty accurate to their name. 

Tangerine: I don’t often love orange flavors, but these are really, really good. They are a little bit less jaw clenching bitter than a normal orange flavor, however no jelly beans are really that way. I would very highly recommend. 

Tutti-Frutti: Kind of amazing. A little bit similar to bubble gum, but the rainbow flecks give them a certain intensity. 

Orange Sherbet: Pretty good, if you like fruit flavors, but not as good as “tangerine.” If I was going to pick what gets out in my jelly bean bag, I would not add these, but I wouldn’t bad talk them either. 

Licorice: Most people would refer to this as ‘black licorice,’ but I enjoy the accuracy, because licorice is only one flavor. Fight me if you want. I like them, but I really like licorice. If you don’t, then you will not. 

A&W Root Beer: I adore root beer, I think these are a real gem. Truly I think that root beer is such a pillar of the anthropocene, that I don’t know how one could not enjoy these, if only just a little. 

Peach: These don’t taste like peaches, but have the distinct (delicious) peach candy flavor. They make me happy, and I will continue to eat them despite the judgments of no one, because peach is fairly universal. 

Cherry: This is such a classic flavor that I don’t even know how to describe it. It tasted like every heart shaped lollipop that I got in elementary school on Valentine’s day, but the portion is controlled, and I haven’t already had seven. Would 10/10 recommend. 

Red Apple: Delicious. Incredible. Perfect. Tates vaguely like the apple cider that you get at Christmas tree farms, and I love it. Incredibly inaccurate to the color shown on the back of the bag though. 

Toasted Marshmallow: Not bad, but also not amazing. Tates in fact, like a marshmallow, but I am not really getting the ‘toasted.’ 

Watermelon: Watermelon jelly beans are one of the great joys of my life. I love them, and the idea that they are green on the outside, and pink on the inside, is still magical to me every time. 

Sunkist Lemon: Tastes like a lemon jelly bean should taste. 63% jelly bean, and 47% lemon. 

Pomegranate: Quite, in fact, delicious. These ones have a taste, and a proper aftertaste, both of which are delightful. 

Caramel Corn: Similar to “buttered popcorn,” but something is missing for me. I would probably only eat a couple per year. 

French Vanilla: Boring, but edible. I think I would like these as an old person. 

Dr Pepper: These ones are notoriously hard to find in the bag, and I love them. They do in fact taste just like Dr Pepper, and I very much appreciate it. 

Strawberry Cheesecake: I don’t know why they felt they had to call the flavor ‘cheesecake,’ I am a certified cheesecake expert, and there is not one speck of it in these jelly beans. However, I appreciate the efforts, and I think that they are ok. 

Coconut: I have just not decided that I don’t really like these, they just taste like ok-ish coconut candy. Jelly Belly, if you are reading this, your coconut jelly beans need more flavor. They are better than the Trader Joe’s coconut flavored Scandinavian Swimmers though, something is terribly amiss with those. 

Lemon Lime: Much better than lemon, I quite like these actually. I would put them in my bag for sure. In my mind, there are two types of jelly bean, the super sweet ones, and then the more acidic (if you can even call it that) ones, to cut the sweetness. That plan fails every time because they are jelly beans, but in my head it works. 

Green Apple: Not as good as “red apple,” not quite as distinct, but they are edible. 

Pina Colada: These are always enjoyable, and I would guess they probably don’t taste much like the drink, but they sure do taste/smell like every other pina colada flavored thing I’ve had in my life. 

Cotton Candy: Not quite as soft as cotton candy, but I will say that the stickiness is there. Or maybe I’ve just eaten 30+ jelly beans. I like it, but wouldn’t like, cross land and sea for it or anything.

Sizzling Cinnamon: This one is the only jelly bean that my mom will eat, and for that alone it gets points. I like it, and it is a pretty legitimate cinnamon flavor. This would probably make it to my top 10, just for posterity. 

The only advice that I would give, after trying all of these, is to not eat so many jelly beans at once. Usually my excessive consumption is spread out over a longer period of time. I would say that all of these flavors have some sort of merit, but some are for sure better than others. Overall, I think they are a magical idea, and they give me some amount of joy in my life, so I will keep eating them, probably forever. When you see me in 15 years, giving jelly beans to my children, please don’t judge me too harshly.