* Please note that this story is completely satirical and for educational/entertainment purposes.

Most students’ only saving grace for their week is the KUGR News, this includes a weekly update, funny skits (with the broadcast team and others around the school), and weather updates. But this week, this is where the school fell apart. On Thursday, February 10 2022, Jacob White and the rest of the broadcast team brought down the unstable fabric of the student body with an unexpected absence of normalcy. 

The broadcast started with Ozzy Casey hosting the weekly update in a classy suit, he went over the sports wins… and loses, and what to do for valentines day with your significant other, friend(s) or even yourself.

“And now to Jacob with the weather,” Casey said.

While everyone in class sat impatiently waiting for the highly anticipated weather report of the week, they were thoroughly disappointed when instead, an advertisement to join golf/come to the informational meeting started playing.

Everyone watched in disbelief as several skits played and no weather report from White. Students even made their teachers wait until the credits ended to see if it was just a prank (it was not). 

On Friday, February 11 2022, the Cougar Chronicle held a press conference with White to uncover the truth about the missing weather report. Having caught White and the rest of the broadcast team at the most opportune time, the truth was revealed.

“I feel embarrassed now,” White confessed. “We filmed the report, I don’t know what happened.”

“The weather doesn’t matter at Central Kitsap High School,” White revealed after further questioning.

The journalists followed him down the hallway towards the main broadcast operations room. Kathryn McDonald, the editor of the broadcast team stepped in to answer questions, and protect White. White was visibly nervous and was looking between the journalists and his peers, McDonald appeared much calmer and was able to step in and control the situation for at least a minute.

Upon telling her the students were promised two weather reports next week from White, she turned on him.

“You promised two weather reports to them?” She said.

“That is a lie,” White stated.

Journalists confirmed they had it recorded while McDonald and White had a small, rushed conference. They also wanted to know McDonald’s opinion on White stating the weather doesn’t matter, to which he denied.

“I support Jacob and if Jacob says that he never said it so he’s never said it,” McDonald stated. 

“Look Jacob stop, don’t say anything more. [To the press] Please enough, enough of the press, we will sort this out. It was a simple mistake, we all make mistakes. All right, so it was a bump in the road,” McDonald said.

Then, another broadcast student yelled “you need to leave” across the room. White took this advice and bolted through the journalists that were questioning him and his team. When at last the questioning ended, he stated he would not speak.

“I won’t speak without my lawyer,” White said. “My lawyer, your mamma.”

Jacob White and the rest of the broadcast have said it themselves that they do not care about the weather, nor the well being of students at CKHS.

*Please note that this story is completely satirical and for educational/entertainment purposes.