Welcome to Adrie’s beats of the week, a weekly column dedicated to remarking upon the intricacies of modern music. To submit any songs for entry, please contact [email protected], with the subject line, ‘beats of the week.’ 

This is going to need some prefacing, in that I really thought this song was supreme childhood nostalgia for all current 15-17 year-olds and apparently nobody knows about it but me. I thought we were all standing in solidarity with those stretchy animal bracelets, Webkinz, light up Sketchers, and this song, but apparently not. Bakugans? Anyone?? So if you, or anyone you know, happens to know what I’m talking about here, please call in and let me know. I’m desperate. Continuing with the love song theme from last week though, I have another first edition Beats. 

Never ever in my wildest dreams did I think that someone who calls themself “Uncle Kracker” would sing one of the most accurate love songs I have heard. For my own sake here I’m going to call him by his not stage name, Matthew Schafer, as to not diminish the joy that this song brings me. I guess it’s not really a love song though, more like the period of time before love, where you’re just really happy. The period of time where you have to hide your face every time you hear their name because you are smiling like an idiot. This song, for whatever reason, (probably a combination of the overwhelming nostalgia and also having to hide my face when I hear a certain someone’s name) makes me deliriously happy, but my cold dead heart refuses to admit it.  To me It’s like saying ‘here you go, I have a secret affinity for both you and early 2000s music, and this song by some middle aged country singer makes me think of you.’ That, isn’t necessarily the most romantic thing I have ever heard. 

This song so accurately describes things that I don’t even know how to put in words. I think it’s a combination of upbeat tempo and fast moving lyrics, but whatever it is, it’s magic. In fact, I can’t listen to this song and sit still at the same time. It’s one of those perfect things that makes you spin in circles of joy around your kitchen, but also not that embarrassed about it. I’m not sure that I would ever be able to openly admit to someone that this song makes me think about them, but for whatever it’s worth I don’t think I will ever have a crush that doesn’t fit perfectly within this lyrical masterpiece. 

It has brought me to the firm conclusion that if someone, as described by (artist of the century) Matthew, doesn’t make you forget how to breathe then you need to move right along. It firmly agrees with every stupid romantic thing that I write about in my diary hate, but somehow when listening to it I can’t help but smile and dance and also want to drive a truck? Maybe that’s getting a little carried away, but the point is clear. Hats off to any musician who can make me pull a crazy switcheroo like that. In fact I have discovered while writing this, and listening to the song repeatedly, that the joyful effects are spreading like wildfire, and I think my heart may have grown a few sizes (Ed. note, it took me at least three minutes to totally stop smiling). 

Point being, I would not recommend playing this song when you are trying to wallow in despair, only if you want to feel like you are watching the sun come out after a long, long winter.

I almost think that it is even too sacred a song to listen to like I normally would because I want the silly effect it has on me to last forever. If you are going to be present at any joyful event in my life, you should expect this song to be played, and to find me wildly dancing to it somewhere where no one can see me, soul sparkling. 

*Also it should be known that while I love this song, I do not necessarily approve of Schafer as a person, and do not condone any of his actions.*